After Elinor was born

11/6/10

We survived the hug hurdle of bringing Elinor home. Audrey wanted to hold her pretty badly -- we are going to have to be careful! She (2 yrs old on Oct 29) even tried to lift Logan (3 yrs old) out of the wagon today after I took them on an hour's tour of the backyard while Mama settled in with Elinor. Also, Audrey and Logan leaned in to kiss each other in the bathtub tonight! They're banding together.

11/14/10

Audrey wanted Daddy to pick her up, but I was already holding Logan and had to tell her it was Logan's turn. She thought about that a second, then looked up and said, "Logan, d'you wanna get down?"

Logan's latest words: cookie, door, hold you, dog, up, cup, done, bath time, hi, yeah. He's been giving Daddy hi-fives.

11/19/10

Mandy & I always heard that God never gives more than you can handle. Not true. He regularly gives us more than we can handle, that we may daily look to His sufficient grace and, after our efforts have still fallen short, remember his loving provision. "Come to me, all you who are weary & burdened. Take my yoke upon you & learn from me, for I am gentle & humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

12/8/10

We got Logan's 2nd quarter report on developmental progress today. He went up in every category, as much as 80% up from 25%, or up 60% from 15%, 50% from 10%, etc. These are the great strides we were told to expect from his school; Logan is finally breaking through! Thanks for all the prayers! Thank you, Lord Jesus.

I'm thankful for Logan's progress since April in these areas: 1. diet more rounded and he's not so finicky; 2. better coordinated for climbing and motion; 3. not as hyper-sensitive to noises or bright lights; 4. not socially anxious in public; 5. making better eye contact; 6. prefers human contact rather than obsessing with objects.

We completed 1 week (on 3 diff. evenings) of ABA training with a specialist in our home, and this morning we also met with his school therapists to talk more about reinforcing at home what he learns there. They say his speech and cognition have quite a ways to go, but he's definitely laying the foundation. The ABA specialist says he's neither mild nor severe, but has good basic skills to work with. God is answering prayers, helping us find the right people to work with.

After a difficult week of receiving Logan's recent test results (no cognitive progress), I was blessed to hear from two persons with autism (or with it in their family) who lifted my spirits with confidence that he will grow; they said to keep being the loving parent I am and just wait for him to burst one day with growth.
This week Logan leaned forward to give me a boyish kiss (no pucker or smack, just love in his face). He's been saying "go go go" when he anticipates going out the door. After a kid's birthday party at school, he said "no no no, mine" when teachers tried to take his party-favor horn. He's been saying Audrey's name lately. Also "eat" and "up" and "done."
[from FB] 

from my friend Cephas on Facebook:
Hey Jon, I just saw your post about Logan. I'm not really sure what to say ... It seems like at every turn in life we're confronted with things that seem unexpected and daunting, but then you get in there and realize that those are the things that actually make a life. I hope that you will have the strength when you need to be strong, and I know that you will have the wisdom to see grace when it is given. Keep rockin', old friend.

Cephas, those are just about the most meaningful words anyone has said during this whole ordeal. I really appreciate it. It gets hard some days to remain positive. It takes energy and creativity to reach out to Logan and keep trying to get him to interact. Some days I just don't have it. But overall, he's doing okay, and I think in the long run he'll adjust. But I think you're right -- this makes life worth living. It gives me a purpose. If I can help him to have a good life -- that would make it all worth it. Thanks for your words, Big Ceeph!

Logan has a "299.00 Autistic Disorder." I've been trying to find out what that means. The good news is that he can self-regulate and doesn't throw tantrums. He loves to be cuddled. He has shifted from fixation on objects to preferring our company, tho' he still doesn't reciprocate socially, verbalize, pretend play, or make eye contact. He does like to laugh and smile a lot, tho.

[from sister] Lori Jurkovic jonathan,299.00 Autistic Disorder is a diagnostic code from the DSMIV. The DSMIV is what everyone in the mental/behavioral/psychiatric health field uses to code diagnoses. You can google DSMIV 299.00 and it might come up, otherwise get a copy of the dsmiv; a mini one will do and you'll see it has several critereon that have to be met to make the diagnosis. It won't tell you the prognosis or treatment. It will just tell you what the person who diagnosed him felt that he has by meeting several of the necessary criteria for the diagnosis. The spectrum of autism is huge/ wide and still myterious. You will do well to not get bogged down by a diagnosis; Logan is Logan. He can go as far as he can go and you won't know how far that is because he isn't there yet. He is a delightful, loving, wonderful, darling child who is very special and sensitive. He may not be the same as other kids, but then you weren't and I wasn't either. Keep being the wonderful, enrichng Dad that you are and just blow right through the diagnosis. He's your Logan

[from friend] Becky Neyhard White I spent almost 2 years doing 7-hours-a-day one-on-one work with kiddos with autism, ages 3-10, at a school for kids with autism and other developmental disorders...they're such wonderful little ones who often see the world in ways the rest of us can only glimpse at. I miss that work. It sounds like you and Logan's mom are getting involved with his development early on, which is the best way for him to make the most progress. I second what Lori said above about the diagnosis. The diagnosis is above all just a label so that Logan can access state and federally funded resources now. I don't know how much info I can offer but if you have questions, I'm happy to share what I learned from my experiences with my students. 

Starting pre-school

4/2/10
Logan said bye-bye several times and waved to Rob Moore and his girls this evening. He and Audrey laughed and splashed each other in the tub at bath time (they were both saying "nice," as in "be nice"). He has been saying cracker, cake, and other words lately. He requested a cookie without any prompting tonight. These are mini break-thrus.

4/20/10
Logan starts pre-school tomorrow: he finally got approved for therapy 6 hours/day on weekdays. He's been quite happy lately, saying the word "happy" and calling Mandy "mama" again. They say we will see dramatic changes in him right away.

4/28/10
Logan is right now enjoying a peanut butter sandwich dipped in Ranch dressing...

Logan has started napping at pre-school and is showing other signs of getting settled in there. He is getting better at climbing (onto his castle slide at home, onto the sofa, over the mini bridge in the yard), so coordination is improving. More abstract things will come after he masters more motor skills. Baby steps...

[old Facebook posts]

After a visit from a friend

[K. wrote] I had a great time catching up with you all and getting to meet Audrey. I'm sorry that you are feeling depressed. I'm sure this has been a hard struggle with getting Logan what he needs...but the encouraging thing is that God is completely in control and loves little Logan even more than you and Amanda do...and He will use Logan to bring glory to Himself....it just might be different than you had planned.  Your family is in my prayers [...] and I look forward to seeing you all again soon!

Thank you for the kind words, K. I couldn't love the little guy any more; he is the most adorable and precious gift to have come into our lives. I can't explain why it's still sad, even though I feel God's hand in all of this, and even though I even welcome all this as a blessing, and even feel that I know why God sent this situation to us. I guess I'm sad because I love him so much, and on the days when he is really unhappy or in his own world, I don't know how to help him. But then there are also awesome days like today when he's making good eye contact and interacting all over the place with me.

Message to a Psychologist Who Made Logan's Initial Assessments

Dear Dr. F.,

I know I probably babbled at the appointment on Friday; I felt at the time like my tone was complaining or something.  I have been feeling really troubled lately, and so I was very eager for us to meet with you.  I'm sorry if I came across too desperate or upset.  I just did not want to forget to tell you something.

Thanks so much for meeting with our family.  I am reading through *Engaging Autism* and it's very helpful and reassuring.  I had skimmed parts of it before, but now I'm reading straight through, carefully.  

Amanda and I seem to waffle back and forth between hope and despair, taking turns being the one who comforts and the one who worries.  And then I feel silly because other people have so much bigger problems than this in life.

I heard today about a book from the 70s (?) called *The Hidden Child*, recommended by a teacher of special needs children in China.  Have you heard of it, and is it too outdated as far as theory/method -- or do you think it also might be worth a look?

Thanks for all your help.  I will do whatever it takes to help my little boy.  We look forward to our next meeting with you, and appreciate anything you are able to tell us.

Sincerely,
Jonathan

A Note to Logan

The day before yesterday, Logan, you sang the tune of “Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun” with the words “Sun, sun.” It was so cute. And at lunch you would look at me and when I asked how old you were, you held up two fingers for the video camera and then said “two.” You also said “bye bye” when I said bye to put away the camera, and I believe we got that on film.

Yesterday was hard, though. You didn’t want to play outside in the snow. It was too bright for your eyes, but you seemed upset even before we got out there, so I wondered if you had teething issues or something else wrong. So I was frustrated when you wouldn’t ride in the box like a sled, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that you must have thought we were getting ready to leave somewhere which first made you upset, and then the brightness of the snow everywhere was hurting your eyes, plus it was freezing. So we’ll do it another time.

You are making lots of progress with coordination these days. You can jump, and you love to do that in your crib like on a trampoline. You also hop around on the regular floor, too, which is good to see. You like to stomp your new sneakers, which is good for your legs, and they are getting stronger; I can feel that your calves are good and thick. Some days you enjoy eating your yogurt or mashed potatoes with a spoon, and that is very good.

You started climbing up on the couch just a couple of weeks ago. I need to encourage more of that since it’s really good for your coordination and strength. At church, you’ve been going up all the front steps holding my hand, and that is wonderful.

At my mom’s house, you were going up and down her steps into her den all on your own without sitting first, which is also a big deal. And you were not fussing or getting impatient at her place while we ate, but enjoyed her toys and trying the sound of your shoes in different areas, instead of playing so much with her doors as you used to. That makes me very glad!

One thing you like to do is go into mommy’s or your own closet and pull the door shut, as if you’ve found a nice hideout just your size and made for you.